hey yall!! haven't updated this in a few months oops. nothing much is new. still pretty behind on homework, not quite sure what i'm gonna do about that since the school years almost over. i'm in online school, but i havent been doing much because i've been really depressed. i think my depression is treatment resistent. i've been on meds since i was 12 and they've just never worked. i've just gotten used to it but it really sucks because i feel like i'm just wasting my life away. things have been a little calmer at home but my parents still fight a lot. i've officially been in anorexia recovery for 5 months now. i'm not sure how to feel about it but my mom might light me get a tattoo to celebrate 6 months! after this i'm actually gonna put together a presentation to try to convince them lol. my mom seems ok with it but my dad doesn't like the idea of me getting tattoos. he'd kill me if he knew i already have 23 lol. oh! and my adderall addiction is getting a lot better. i still abuse it, but not as much. recently i got prescribed klonopin (similar to xanax) for my panic attacks so i've been abusing that instead. i try not to a lot, because it seriously helps my panic attacks and i don't wanna get it taken away. i'm struggling a lot with recovery weight gain. it's really hard not to look at myself and miss my old body. i try to remind myself how much pain i was in. the fainting, the seizures, the chest pain. not to mention not being able to shit for a fucking week. it's just so hard getting used to my new body. i feel like i don't recognize myself. inside i know it's a good thing, i see a dietitian and follow my meal plan (for the most part), i'm taking care of myself and my body's healthy. i feel so much stronger and better physically but mentally it's still a struggle. i'm trying hard to push past it though. alright, i guess thats my spiel for now. gotta go work on that tattoo presentation lol. adios.
