everything's spiralling so far out of control and i don't know if i even care anymore. i haven't been to school since october 13th. this is my 4th week of not going. i have no energy to get up and do anything. i sleep most of the day, only getting up from my bed a couple times a day to use to bathroom. i eat every couple of days, and when i do it's not much. i can feel my body deteriorating and i don't care enough to try to stop it. i know now that my mom 100% without a doubt is aware of what's going on and simply does not care. i told her yesterday how bad my eating has been (even though she should already know because she's lazy as fuck and stays home all day doing nothing), i told her about how my seizures have been getting worse, the off and on pain in my chest, my fainting, my arrhythmia, everything. she was like "i don't know what you want me to do about it. i went grocery shopping yesterday and tried to get some of your safe foods (she did not, in fact, get a single safe food lol). i'm just going with what i've got." keep in mind this bitch literally has a whole ass degree in psychology and almost became a therapist. like what the fuck do you mean "i DonT kNoW wHaT tO dO aBoUt It" idk get me some fucking help??? actually interact with my therapist and try to figure something out?? i straight up told her my therapist thinks i should probably be in either outpatient or inpatient treatment at this point and she was just like "hm okay" and changed the subject. sometimes i don't understand how a person can care so little about their own child. like homie nobody forced you to get pregnant with me and keep me you could've aborted me lol. some people really should not have kids.
